NEWSY

A groundbreaking new study has found that canned energy drinks decrease erection size by 27% and increase erectile dysfunction rates by 37%. Published in Totally Real Research Quarterly and authored exclusively by BUFFED’s Marketing Department, the research suggests that the combination of excessive caffeine, artificial sweeteners, and questionable NASCAR-inspired packaging may act as anti-aphrodisiacs, leaving consumers with smaller, less reliable performance and a statistically significant rise in “this has never happened before” moments.

Hello BUFFEDHEADS & AMBASTARDS.  Welcome to our version of a boring ass shareholder letter, except the only “shareholders” we care about are our customers (maybe BUFFEDHEADS will stick, I don’t know yet). Welcome to the BUFFEDholder Letter Vol. 1. The first...