KNOCK KNOCK. WHO'S THERE? CAN. CAN WHO? CANS SUCK DRINK BUFFED. BUY ONE 30 PACK GET ONE 69% OFF. AUTOMATICALLY APPLIED.

The Sampler

The Sampler

Ships free every month for US customers, pause skip, or cancel anytime in the portal, via text, or by emailing customer support.

  • Description

hey. we'll just tell you upfront that the worst thing about the sampler is you only get 4 sticks. because by the time you try both flavors and experience god-like focus you're going to have to wait for your next order.

also fyi, you’re going to pay a shipping and handling fee of $4.44 if you buy the sampler. if you don’t like that or hate that number, don’t order this. get 4 sticks of BUFFED for $1.11 each. ARE YOU KIDDING? do you think god-like focus grows on trees? damn it. do you know how powerful our formula is? it's banned in 147 countries. have you ever tried to flavor around three organic mushrooms, four nootropics, 150mg caffeine, b-vitamins and electrolytes? well we have. and it's not easy. stop complaining. you might be so-so on the taste, because you’re addicted to delicious canned energy drinks. 

but do you know what you’re not addicted to (but you actually are hyper addicted because if you did anything else in your life 3x per day people would call you an addict...well other than pooping) chasing one energy drink after another energy drink thinking the next energy drink will cure the crash the previous energy drink gave you. we’re not going to make fake promises like everyone else and say you won’t have a crash. it’s caffeine. you’re not going to feel like you could conquer Sparta while getting your TPS Reports to Barbra forever—caffeine you b*tch (my wife said I can’t say c*** but you have to admit it would fit better here; hey the English say it and they invented the language, presumably).

This is boring…priority shipping on all orders, unless another option is selected. Meaning you should get your order within 3-5 business days.

you can finally burn your thinking caps • DON'T BE CANNED ENERGY'S B*TCH • canned energy gets stitches • you can't spell pithecanthropus without can (they're dead, dummy) • enjoy your tetanus shot

YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS

NO and yes; if you have never looked at ingredients on a pre-workout and you think that caffeine and coffee equals a pre workout then yeah, for you uneducated swine, it’s a pre-workout. No. If you know your sh*t, and you want beta-alanine, citrulline, rhodiola, and l-dopa and getting the greatest pump of your life, then just add these to your Buffed and make your own pre workout.

You ask a lot of questions. Simply put: we can’t have our ingredients sitting in liquid for longer than a day, let alone years. If you like the fizzy pleasure that comes from carbonated beverages, then mix buffed with some carbonated water. We’d recommend mixing it with less carbonated water (6-8oz) then you would with the flat stuff.

Lion’s Mane is one of the best mushrooms for brain health. A study published in the International Journal Of Medicinal Mushrooms (1) found that Lion’s mane extract demonstrated neuroprotective properties by promoting the production of nerve growth factors (NGFs). NGFs play a crucial role in the growth, maintenance, and survival of nerve cells in the brain for enhanced cognitive function and memory. In fact, another study found that Lion’s Mane was able to enhance memory (2) - especially as you age. Maitake was also shown to have similar benefits as you age (3)

Cordyceps mushrooms, known for their unique growth on insect larvae, have gained recognition for their potential brain-boosting effects, with one study highlighting their ability to enhance (4) working memory and learning capacity.

Maitake mushrooms, more specifically PGM (a protein-bound polysaccharide bioactive component of Maitake), "could ameliorate the learning and memory function and histopathological abnormalities." (5)

Nootropics, also known as “smart drugs” (1) are a diverse group of medicinal substances whose action improves human thinking, learning, and memory, especially in cases where these functions are impaired. Nootropics improve the brain’s supply of glucose and oxygen, have antihypoxic effects, and protect brain tissue from (2). We use four different nootropics: Bacopa Monnieri (3), L-Tyrosine (4), L-Theanine (5) & Acetyl L-Carnitine HCL (6)

  • ★

    “Ever since I started taking Buffed I'm getting too much work done, making too much money, and now I have no idea how to spend it.”

    Jalynn
  • ★

    “I thought I could handle buffed consciousness, but it might be too powerful for my brain to handle”

    Saunder
  • ★

    “Buffed has completely ruined my mornings. I used to sleep in and feel groggy. Then I’d mosey my way to a coffee shop and spend $6 on a coffee just to feel something. Now I wake up and I get my buffed and all of sudden I’m productive by 9am which sucks. I don’t need my coffee anymore and I don’t know what to do with all this money in my bank account.”

    Court
  • ★

    “Before I tried buffed I went to Starbucks every morning. I got the same drink every time and talked to the same barista. She started to remember my name and have my drink ready for me by the time I came in. She started to flirt and I was working up the courage to ask her out. I know my mom would have loved her... but when I tried buffed I said f*ck caffe mocha and have never been back since because I'm a f*cking man. I have so much energy every day I run 10 miles before bed just so I can sleep.”

    Kaden
  • ★

    “I’d stay away from this. It made me feel way better than I have with any previous energy drink or mix. So now every time I drink something else I know I’m going to feel worse than if I drank Buffed. I wish I didn’t know about it so that I could be happy drinking gas station cans. Now I know what I’m missing and it’s completely ruined that experience for me. ”

    MATT
  • ★★★★★

    “Pharmaceutical companies now hate me. I went from taking 50milivaniligrams of long acting Adderall and this does the same thing to me that the Adderall did, but without the lack of appetite and the constant peeing.”

    TANNER

THE BEST WAY TO BUFF YOURSELF

Buffed will give you a full on brain erection, an erection that can only be cured through productivity. Your new raging mental hard-on is made possible by our unique formula of three organic mushrooms, four nootropics, b-vitamins, electrolytes and caffeine. Here are some of the best ways to get started.

Snort it

Our attorney wants you to know that you shouldn’t actually snort this product, ever, under any circumstances. You get the point. Don't snort Buffed.

Make it fancy

Personally, we like to find a fancy glass, mix it with sparkling water from the Swiss alps, and drink it with our pinkies in the air.

Be the Buffed

You have now developed the ability to absorb Buffed directly through osmosis. You are the most powerful being in the universe.

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